https://imgur.com/gallery/day-18-0mDOfT9
So, Wednesday - in case you didn’t catch it - I ended up in the ER: https://imgur.com/gallery/hello-from-er-DlMalXW
Basically, after dialysis on Tuesday, I developed pain in my shouler. I thought it might just be a sore muscle, so I tried to see if it would go away. Went to sleep. Woke up around 3am and… it had not. Although I didn’t have any other symptoms at that time, went ahead and made the call to go to the ER.
Turns out that it doesn’t appear to be a heart attack, but it is probably difficulties related to dialysis being hard on my heart. Because of the tummy troubles, I’ve had to miss some dialysis sessions. So it’s not great for my health. I’m a bit worried, frankly. But I can only take one day at a time.
I used being in the ER to not walk yesterday.
Also, I deal with blisters on my right leg from time to time. Recently they popped up badly and I’m trying to heal them. But it means my leg is in some pain, so walking is harder.
And I got some sort of bug that bit me just above my knee on my left leg, and that’s right where the prosthesis puts pressure on my leg when I walk, so THAT also hurts a bit.
So basically right now it feels like my body is conspiring against me.
And I let that defeat me yesterday, but I didn’t today. And I won’t tomorrow.
I only made two laps today and they were hard. But I did them.
I will not beat myself up about yesterday, either. I cannot change the past, only the present. So I must constantly choose to do this thing. And I will constantly choose to do this thing.
So what’s the thing you need to do? Springboard off my struggle and pick one little thing that you haven’t done and get it done. Then it’ll be done and you don’t have to worry about it any more.
You have to remember, though, to balance everything. You have to work, but you have to rest, and you have to have some relaxation/entertainment.
Treasure every day of your life. Don’t let it go to waste. That doesn’t mean work all of the time, it means find that balance. If you’re constantly living in the past, the present is wasted, and future you will have naught to show for it. If you’re constantly just working for the future, you’ll have no rest in the present, and your past will be empty - and it’s great if you live long enough to enjoy it, but if you don’t, you wasted your life for nothing. If you’re only living in the present with no cares for the future, then your future will suck with no preparation.
So you have to find the balance.
You have to live in the moment. Be glad that you are alive. Sure, the world sucks in many ways and we’re facing tough times.
I understand that - and agree with it. But let me tell you: I have had six heart attacks, failed kidneys, an amputation, and mother health problems on top of it, and I am still able to find joy every day. I find things on the internet that give me a chuckle. I talk to friends and enjoy that time. I watch the occasional show or movie or play a game, and enjoy the fact that I am alive to enjoy these things.
Yes, I struggle with my body. Three days per week it costs me from around 8:30am-3:30pm for transportation and chair time for dialysis that keeps me alive. I currently can’t drive, so I’m basically stuck at home. And stuck at home because don’t have the energy or money to go out anyway. When I said “friends” before, there’s really only a couple I talk to, so don’t think I have a bunch. I’m happy with them, mind.
My point is that every single day is a struggle. But you can still find joy in it.
It’s not a matter of being a Pollyanna - false joy and pretending that everything is okay. Everything is NOT okay. But we’re still here anyway. And along with all the bad, there’s still a lot of good. Put energy in to fixing the bad, but again, find that balance, and put energy into appreciating and enjoying the good, too.
I’ll see you in tomorrow’s walking video. And probably make some silly replies to your comments below. 