https://imgur.com/gallery/day-23-c1W7l2S
Wasn’t sure if I was going to make it out there or not.
This is when it gets hard. There was a bit on Bojack Horseman, which I find helpful to remember: “It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you got to do it every day. That’s the hard part. But it does get easier.”
It hasn’t gotten easier yet. But even with the support, it’s hard to do this every day. Without that support, I would be waffling about giving up, frankly.
By recording, I can go back and see some progress.
But right now, I feel like three laps is pushing my limit, and I don’t see that getting easier. Because I need three laps to not feel unsafe on the third lap for me to believe I will push that out farther.
But it’s also okay. This is not a race. It’s not an emergency. I’m not losing much by not being able to walk places yet. I’m still working from home; not being able to drive is not the end of the world. I mean, that’ll be nice when I can - driving myself to dialysis will gain me at least a half hour if not more like an hour three days per week. But it’s not crucial by any means.
Anyway. This is the point at which it gets harder. And I knew it would. Day One is never hard because it’s new, and the opportunity - the potential - is wide open. The first week is not hard for the same reason. Then the novelty wears off and it gets real. This is the point they never show in the movie montage. These are the many days that are missing from even a split second of screen time. Because they are monotonous. They suck. The progress is slow, but steady. But this is the time when it doesn’t feel like there’s any progress.
Hopefully a month from now I’ll look back and say “Yep, it was increasing even though it didn’t feel like it”, but for now, this is the time when all I have it “it doesn’t feel like and progress”.
That’s okay. I’m going to keep going. I’ll get out there tomorrow after dialysis and walk and post it.